Keeper of pain
by Crazy4life4ever
Summary: I'm not really great at summaries so please read and review
1. Bittersweet

Bittersweet

In a blink of an eye my whole world changed. Mother is dead and it was my entire fault. Calhoun,

my dearest and beloved brother wanted nothing to do with me. His love for me had died only to

be replaced by anger and hatred. He too blamed me for our mother's death. Where was our

father? Shouldn't he be here to say his goodbyes to the love of his life? His beloved wife was

murdered in cold blood. I wish I could remember him, but I can't. He's nothing more than a blurry

face in room crowded with people. That's all he will ever be. I can feel and see everyone around

me whispering to each other about my lack of tears and inability to cry. I feel so numb inside. Too

numb to care about the looks full of pity they look at me with. It only makes my desperation to cry

and get away even greater. I want to let the tears flow freely down my pale cheeks, but I'm to

numb inside. Why did he have to kill her? Why? Why her and not me? I should be the one in that

coffin, not her.

"But he was there to kill you, don't you remember?" I can hear the voice say inside my

head. "If he was there to kill me why is she the one inside the coffin and not me?" I ask softly

"She was protecting you, that's why," was the only reply I got in return.

I want to look at her one last time before they close her coffin. A strong arm pressed

lightly, yet firmly on my shoulder. I looked at the creamy colored hand that was keeping me from

taking another step. I hadn't even realized I had taken a step toward the coffin. I looked up to

have beautiful honey-colored eyes look into my white gold colored ones. I could see it in his

eyes. He didn't want me to look at my mother. I wanted to. NO! I need to look at her. I needed

to hug her and kiss her cheek one last time. I shook free of his of his grasp. I could only feel my

body run up to the coffin. I climbed a chair so that I could see inside and gaze at my mother in

her deep slumber.

She was as beautiful and dazzling as ever. She looked as if she was just sleeping

peacefully in the coffin. Her silky beautiful golden curls framed her face. Her cheeks had a pink

tint of a blush, like when she looked flushed after having to go running to go look for something.

Her soft pink lips were still as I remembered. Maybe she was sleeping. I could feel the hope

welling up inside my now cold broken heart. I needed to touch her one last time to remember the

warmth of her skin. Before I knew what I was doing I had reached out to caress her cheek.

"NO!" an ear splitting scream emerged from my throat. I sat bolt upright on my bed. Why

had I dreamed such a vile and horrid memory? It's been years since I'd had that dream. It's been

twelve years since she died. That was the last memory I had of the last time I saw her. Fear

gripped me in its arms. I could feel my heart beating rapidly like a rabbit's heart when it's scared

and running away from hunting dogs. I could hear it beating loudly and fast in my ears. I remember

everything before that sudden moment before I had realized that she was truly dead. There was a

loud knocking on my door before it was thrown open.

"Rose, are you all right?" Andrew asked his beautiful grey blue eyes full of concern. I

vaguely nodded since I still didn't trust myself to speak. "Are you sure?" Drew asks again while

making sure that the window was shut tightly.

"Yes I'm sure Andrew, I'm perfectly fine," I reply this time. Taking a deep breath before

I went on, "I just had a bad dream that's all," although this is more to comfort myself with the

thought than him.

"Thank the goddess," Drew let out a slow breath placing his hand over his chest making

the statement more dramatic. I roll my eyes at him and threw a pillow at him. He caught the

pillow with his right hand like it was nothing. _Dam him and his reflexes._ He's staring at me the

way he always does while he's thinking about whether he should ask the question he wants to

askor not. His brow furrowed in deep thought and a frown playing on his pink thin lips.

"I'm okay don't worry it was just a nightmare," I smile one of my _'oh its okay don't you _

_worry'_ smiles more for his sake than my own. I really wish he would stop looking at me that way

he makes me uncomfortable. Then again he knows I'm lying and that I know he knows. Walking

over to my huge canopy bed while shaking his head making his already messy light brown hair to

be come even more messier if that was possible.

"This is the second month in a row you've been having nightmares," he stated in a matter

of fact type of tone as he sat down on the bed next to me. "Do you want to talk about it?" he

asked and I just can't help but smile innocently at him.

"No, I'm fine really I'm truly fine," I try to reassure him but I can tell he isn't buying it. His eyes

tell me everything I need to know. I can't help but smile.

"Would you like me to stay with you?" He asked like every other night that this has

happened. "You know just incase the boogie man wants get you," He says as an afterthought

with a grin on his face. I simply nod in response. "Move over then," he orders gently I scoot over

to make room for him. He gently held me close to him like when we were kids, and I would

constantly have nightmares after I had come to live with Uncle Alfred. By far he had become one

of my favorite cousins. I snuggle closer to him feeling the warmth and love radiate from him and

seep into my skin. He has been so nice to me like the big brother I once had.

"Goodnight Drew, I don't know what I would do without you," I whispered softly into the

room. Gazing up at his face, I could tell that he still seemed to have traces of concern in his

features. He was beautiful he looked like he was carved out of marble. He smiles kindly at me.

Kissing the top of my head he closed his eyes holding me tighter to him. Something I appreciated

gratefully.

"I don't know what I would do without you either, goodnight my little Rose," he whispered

back to me. Making me smile at the use of my name something that rarely anyone called me since

my mother died. "Sleep thy baby on my bosom, warm and cozy, it will prove," he singed the first

lines to the lullaby that was passed down from generation to generation in our blood line. "Round

thee. Ravens arms are folding, in my heart a brother's love," his soft voice sang the new

adjustments to the song but before I could hear him finish the rest my eyes closed and took me

into a dreamless slumber.


	2. For Now

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING FROM HARRY POTTER

_And in the darkest night, __if my memory serves me right, __I'll never turn back time, __forgetting you, but not the time_

Chapter 2

For Now

Things change so fast that it's a little hard to keep track of them. There are things that you wish to remember for the rest of your life. Then there are others that you'd wish you'd never remember. Those are the ones that leave the deepest wounds that seem to heal only with time and even then they never heal completely. Those are the types of memories I wish I would never remember. Those are the ones that are kept fresh constantly in my mind. One of those things I have to face even though I really wish, I wouldn't have to. I suppose all good things must come to an end. With the Malfoy Holdings in the hands of Aunt Melody there really was no way of evading what was to come next after Lucius was put away in jail. He deserved that and much more. He had done horrible things to Dragon and Aunty Mel. Of course with him in jail and Dragon in school, I knew that she would track me down sooner or later, and sure enough she found me two bloody years after Lucius had been put a way. I guess that explains why I was now standing in front of Malfoy Manor trying to stall because I really don't want to say yes to her but I know deep down inside that I could never bring myself to say no to her. Damn me and my soft heart. _'Ha you having a soft hear… too bad you can't be cold hearted like everyone thinks you are.' _'It's nice to know that my evil half is here to taunt me.' I replied dryly.

"Little Mistress, Mingy is happy to see you!" the little house elf exclaimed happily as she jumped up and down. "Mingy hasn't seen her little mistress since she was just a wee little thing, Mingy has missed her Little Mistress," Mingy said a tint of sadness flashing through her blue eyes before she launched herself to my legs hugging them tightly. I couldn't help but smile and hug her back as best as I could. I hated to admit it but I had missed her to she, along with some of the other Malfoy Manor house elves had always been good to me.

"Now, now, Mingy have you forgotten what we agreed on?" I asked while kneeling down so I could be at eye level with her. She smiled brightly and shook her head. "Good then. I believe I deserve a proper welcome, don't you think?" I asked her knowing fully well that she would be able to read the amusement in my eyes that would betray my calm and cool demeanor.

"Mingy knew she could count on her little kitten to come back," she replied joyfully her voice full of happiness as she flung her tiny little arms around my neck. "You haven't changed at all, my little kitten. You're more beautiful than ever, little one. I knew you wouldn't change the way you treated and cared for Mingy and the elf race!" Mingy exclaimed happily before kissing my cheek and burrowing her face into the crock of my neck. I picked her up, holding her tightly in a hug that I wish that it would never come to an end.

"But I have changed Mingy," I whispered softly into her ear. "I've changed. I'm not the same little girl that you thought you once knew," I paused a little uneasy as to how to go on. "I've become someone far worse than what mother would have wanted me to be," I said sadly. _'I've become a murderer, Mingy,'_ I added mentally for I felt I couldn't tell her what I had become how low I had come along since that horrible night. "Anyway Mingy, I need to see Aunt Mel," I said while releasing Mingy from the hug.

"The mistress is in the winter sitting room, little miss," Mingy nodded eagerly I smiled kindly and made my way to one of my aunt's sitting rooms. I still didn't know why she had so many of them. She had one for each season of the year and different types of occasion. Surprisingly, the door to the sitting room was wide open so there was no need for me to knock on the door. Walking into the room to find her standing by the window triggered a memory to flash before my eyes. Now I remembered why she loved this sitting room. It was because of the breath-taking view of the rose garden that was in full bloom at this time of the year. I walked over slowly to her yet I could not find words to say especially to her at this moment.

"It's been a long time, my dear," Aunt Mel said breaking the comfortable silence we had been sharing. I kind of wished she hadn't said anything. "You know, Lin, I would never have asked you to do this if I didn't know you could," she paused taking a deep breath, "I trust you, that's why I asked you and no one else to look after the well-being of my family." She said softly, her voice full of determination.

"I know, that's why I'm here," I replied softly. "You know, I never thought I'd come back," I sighed. "I have to admit it kind of scared me to get your letter … I mean it scared me more to know I had to come back knowing fully well that I would not be able to deny you of what you asked for." I confessed bitterly to my inner turmoil.

"So I take it that you're here to stay?" she asked, hope evident in her tone and in her beautiful blazing blue-green eyes. I smiled reasurringly and took her hand in mine.

"For now," I answered squeezing her hand reassuringly. Her eyes had not lost the sparks of hope that they had held only moments ago. She smiled and took me into her arms into the all familiar hug that I had missed so much for so long.


End file.
